Working Holidays as a Bartender

As most people know, working as a bartender means giving up a number of things, most noticeably,  your weekend nights. Instead of bar hopping with friends or going out on dates, we find ourselves behind the bar, ringing in your orders, pouring drinks, all the while dealing with obnoxious and unruly drunkards.

But hey. Don’t get me wrong. We signed up for this gig, knowing fully well what the opportunity cost is. The opportunity cost, in most cases, means a sacrificed friday or saturday night (or both!). But the money we make from these nights makes it worth while.

And that brings me to this time of the year. The holidays. I’m talking about the span of time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. The time of year that is supposed to fill people with the holiday spirit, and that jolly sense of hapless giving. Most people who go carousing around bars and clubs during this time of the year are out to have a good time filled with great company and proliferous drinking. And while the majority of club goers fall under this category, there is, unsurprisingly, a sizable portion of people who fall under a category I like to refer to as the grinches.

These are the people who show up at your bar mildly intoxicated. They start off the night by refusing to wait in line as the others around them, and attempting to grab your attention by doing any of the following:

1) waving their hands in the air like a baboon in heat

2) screaming “bartender” or “hey, you” hoping that we hear them amidst the loud club music

3) throwing straws or bunched up napkins at you in the hopes that you’ll turn around, smile, and acknowledge them

4) grabbing you as you walk past them

To which, we respond by pretending to ignore them, skipping their turn and serving the next customer, or delaying to make their drinks till the last possible moment. The majority (9 out of 10) of these A-holes won’t tip you anyway, so why waste your time slaving over them?

I speak for most bartenders when I say this, to you @$$ holes. Bartenders have to work during holidays that most others have off. While everyone else is partying it up and getting inebriated, we have to remain alert and sober. Give us a break. Next time you’re at the bar, wait for your effin turn. You don’t have to be nice, but don’t be rude. Don’t grab us. Shout and scream ‘bartender.’ And for the love of god, show some holiday spirit and tip. It’s not going to break your bank account. Do this, and I promise you. You’ll get your drink. On time!

Hiatus

I’ve been on a hiatus for the past several months. Not intentionally, though. I’ve been busy studying for the GRE Subject Test, writing essays, and preparing my grad school applications. I finally submitted everything last Friday, and am officially done with grad school apps. Now, all that is left is to play the waiting game, and concentrate on my site.

What bartenders hate the most pt 2

1) Flagging us down, and when you finally have our attention, not knowing what to order. There is nothing more annoying than having a customer try hard to get your attention, stop you at the bar, and then not know what drink to order. Are you mental? Seriously. There have been numerous times when I’ve been flagged down by a customer who obviously spent the last 10 minutes trying to get my attention, only to be give me a blank stare and a sheepish grin as he or she quickly decides what to order while I’m standing there, tapping my toes. Next time, know what you want to order before you get out attention

2) Throwing napkins or straws, or whatever to get our attention. This goes back to the first post about grabbing our attention. We know you’re there. Sometimes, it may take a while for us to get to you, but we know you’re there. Stop throwing things at us. We’re not monkeys, and this is not a zoo.

Strange Shit Different Day

As a bartender, I’ve come across some bizarre situations and met, for lack of a better word, some “interesting” people while working behind the bar. I’ve seen hook ups. Nasty breakups. I’ve come across various morons. Drunkards. Druggies. Psychos. You name it. I’ve probably seen it.

But one occasion that stands out the most happened not too long ago. There is a regular who comes to our bar religiously everyday. Let’s call him Steve ** He used to be a high-rolling baller who worked for prestigious law firms doing patent work. About a year ago, he, like countless other unlucky souls, lost his job, and found himself on the unemployment payroll. He spent the first several months enjoying an unconstrained and unrestrained life free from the 9 to 5 drudgery.

He had nothing really to worry about. Well, at least back then. He had a steady stream of unemployment coming in. He had some savings. So life was good.

Fast forward one year.

Steve was still unemployed. Despite applying to multiple jobs and sitting through dozens of in-person and phone interviews, he couldn’t seem to land a job. Additionally, his unemployment check was running out. By now, he had accrued an enormous debt. His savings were negative.

He would come into the bar everyday, order water, and complain about his lack of funds. I could not help but feel sorry for his predicament. Really. How low could one person fall? In one moment, it seemed as if Steve had hit rock bottom. But the next day, something would happen and he would fall lower. There was no end to that bottomless abyss into which he had gotten himself.

So one day, he came into the bar as usual, complaining about his grim situation. His checking account was negative. His debit card didn’t work. And he was constantly being hounded and harassed by the debt collectors. In other words, he was destitute. Destitute and desperate. He had nothing. No credit. No cash. In fact, he was behind on his rent, and would soon be facing eviction.

Earlier on in the day, his former roommate had dropped off Steve’s old pan. I took it out, and as a joke, suggested that he “pan” handle. For some odd reason, he decided that it would be a great idea, and started to immediately brainstorm ideas for a sign.

I didn’t think much of it, but a few days later, while lunching with Jon, a fellow bartender, I found out that Steve had in fact taken my advice to heart, and had gone out panhandling. Jon who also works at the bar told me that Steve had gone out to panhandle and had made close to $100 in one day. Apparently, Steve had visited downtown government center and a few parts in Cambridge along the redline where he elicited the sympathy of passerbys who forked out 5s, 10s, and 20s.

Talk about some crazy shit huh? Let’s just hope he’s able to keep it up while he searches for a job, and doesn’t spend the money on drinks at the bar!

**Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent

Top 10 things bartenders hate the most

10) Snapping your finger, waving your hand, or yelling ‘bartender’ to get our attention. Dude, we know you’re there. We may not have taken your order yet, but trust me, we see you. We hear you. We know you are there. You, like everyone else, just have to stand in line and wait your turn.

9) Asking for our number. Look, we know you’ve probably had a couple of beers or shots. And with you liquor courage, you work up the nerve to ask the bartender for her number. But please, don’t bother. If we gave our number out to every guy who walks into the bar, we’d have to disconnect our phone. It’s unprofessional. Inconsiderate. And downright rude. Do you think just because we serve you your drinks, you can get into our pants? The answer is, hell no. The same is true for giving us your number. Unless you’re a suave hunk like Johnny Depp, don’t expect a return call.

8) Complaining that the drink is too weak. I tend to make my drinks slightly on the stronger side so when someone comes to me complaining that the drink taste like water, I suggest that he or she join AA. The last time I checked, if 2 oz of pure vodka mixed with soda tastes like water to you, you’re probably a raging alcoholic and should consider rehab. Seriously.

7) Asking us to “hook” you up. Look. We all love a great hook up. And if you’re a regular, sure, I won’t mind hooking you up every once in a while. But don’t walk into the bar expecting us to hook you up. First of all, it’s our jobs that are on the line, not yours. Second, just because you flash a smile and smooth talk your way through the bar does not mean you will get a free beer on the house. Bottom line: we will hook you up on our discretion, not yours.

6) Getting all touchy-feely with the bartender. There is nothing worse than walking up to a patron who thinks it’s okay to grab your touche or start giving you a back rub when all you want to do is scream “get the fuck away from me.” GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD. We do not want to be petted, touched, or poked. Period. We are bartenders, not strippers.

5) Leaving lousy tips. During economically hard times such as this, we know people don’t have much money in their pockets. We understand. But while you may not have an extra dollar or two to spend, our livelihood depends on your tips. Most bartenders get paid anywhere from $2-3 per hour so the majority of our income comes from tips. We’re not asking you to hand over millions. All we are asking is that you tip appropriately. Pay your dues where it is due. For every drink, be in the habit of tipping at least a dollar. That’s all.

4) Not tipping at all. If you think lousy tippers are bad, no tippers are worse! I can’t stress this enough, but to you, you’re saving what…a dollar or two by not tipping. To the bartenders, that is our livelihood. It’s annoying especially when someone orders a shitload of drinks, takes up our time, and tips null. What do you think this is? A charity? I’m a firm believer in karma, and I must say what goes around comes around. To all those guilty of committing this heinous crime against all bartenders, please correct your ways, and remember to tip your bartender because Karma, my friend, is a bitch.

3) Being indecisive. With so many drinks to choose from, it’s understandable that you’d want to take your time deciding what to order. But please, not on my time. Take allllll the time you want deciding which drink you’ll be sipping on for the night before you walk up to the bar. If I got paid a nickel for every customer who did not know what they wanted to order by the time they got my attention at the bar, I’d be a friggin millionaire. So please…please…please…don’t waste your time. Don’t waste my time. Know what you want before you flag down the bartender.

2) Trying to engage in small talk when it is extremely busy. I had one customer who started asking me whether we carried Absinthe. This was during a busy night at the club, mind you. When I responded that we didn’t have it, he smiled at me, and proceeded to ask me if I could explain to him what absinthe was. There were hundreds of people at the bar… did he really think I was going to waste my precious time and talk to him about absinthe?? No!!! I rolled my eyes and walked away. We’re very busy people. We’re working. If we have time to engage in some chit chat with you during our downtime, we will. But please don’t be offended if we don’t give you the time of day because we’re busy.

1) Staring. Remember walking into a club or a bar and coming across those creepy dudes who’d sit in the corner and just stare at you? Remember how annoying it was? Well, guess what? You’re that creepy dude. Yes, you guys who think it’s cool to take up a seat at the bar and stare at the bartenders while they do their thing. We know you’re there. We know you’re staring. And it creeps the shit out of us, so please stop.

So next time you’re at the bar or a club, or wherever, please keep this post in mind, and maybe the bartenders won’t treat you like shit. By acting as a nice, decent human being, hey, maybe, just maybe you might just get what you want.

Packing the Bar

Our lounge usually doesn’t attract a large crowd on game nights, but I thought I’d try my hand at packing it up for game 6- Celtics vs. Lakers game. It started with posting a “Beat LA…Again” sign on the front door, and revamping our sidewalk stand with the phrase “Celtics vs. LA tonight 9pm!!”

The bar was fairly busy until about 9:04PM when people on the street began trickling in. By 9:10PM, we had a fairly decent crowd in the lounge. The barback amped up the volume, while I poured the Sam’s Summer and served Coronas. It was a perfect way to begin the night…that is, until the Celtics started losing in the first quarter. It was painful to watch them lose ball after ball while the lakers almost never missed a shot.

It was a horrible night, except for one thing. Time flew by! The crowd in the bar kept me fairly busy that before I knew it, it was 11:45-time for Last Call. Was I disappointed?? Yes! But will I be back on Thursday night to cheer for my home team? You betcha! This time, I’ll be sitting on the other side of the bar, but I’ll still be rooting for the Celtics to take home the glory!

Hello world!

Here we go. First blog post of the season!!!